Today it suddenly struck me how I have always believed in my extra-ordinariness. I was upset about it in the morning, but now it sounds very funny as I recount the circumstances that imprinted this belief in me slowly through the years.
Pre school : The big girl and the small boy who sit beside me, snatch away my notebook and scribble on it and the teacher thinks I did it. One day they would know, I am better.
Kg 1 : Yeah the big girl told me to leave my seat for her and get another seat on the other row, but no one gave me another seat on the other row, so here I am standing in the middle of the class, not able to explain to my teacher why I am 'loitering about'. One day they would know, I am better than them.
Kg 1 again : My best friend wins a fancy dress competition. She gets a red plastic chariot as a prize. She shows it to the entire class and tells me she won't show it to me. I am clueless why. One day she would know, I am better than her.
Kg 2 maybe : I also want to win a fancy dress competition. Gather the courage to participate. My mother stitches me a long flowery skirt. She also teaches me a song to sing on the stage. I go up on stage, stick my tongue out and freeze. I had to be carried away. One day they would know, I am good at fancy dress too.
Std 1 : Moral Science exam (yes Moral Science Exam!). I had 5 marks deducted because I had my eraser in my hand, which somehow implied that I did not want to share it with my partner, when she did NOT ask me if she could borrow it. At that age you are supposed to be psychic. One day they would know I am not a mean girl.
Std 2 : I write in my exam paper that paddy is a food grain. My teacher thinks it should be rice. I am fine with a mark less. My mother is confused. She thinks she must talk to my teacher. She comes to school and talks way more respectfully than she should have considering the scatter brained-ness of the teacher. After lunch break, I get lashed out at in front of the whole class for sending my mother to 'beg' for marks. One day they would know, I did not want any more marks.
Std 3 : Up until now, I never got elected as monitor. I wished someone would propose my name. No one ever did :|. One day they will all know, I can be monitor too.
Kg 1 - Std 3 : Hiding behind trees during lunch breaks so that no one spots that I don't have friends to have lunch with. I sometimes try to tag along with other groups, but I am afraid of swings and I really don't get what they all chatter about. One day they would all know what a great friend they missed out on.
Std 4 : Senior section. I try to feel all big and grown up. Seniors don't think so. They condescend me, call me cute and ask my name as if I am a five year old. One day they will know I am NOT cute.
Std 5 : I cannot remember anything ! That must have been the best year of my life !
Std 6 : Until now, I was the homework supplier of the class, at least that made people stick to me... for sometime. There is a new girl in class, she is tall, sporty, funny and SMART. My friends flock around her. No one needs me any more. One day they will know... whatever same old story.
Std 6 : My teacher asks if anyone wants to participate in elocution competition. I volunteer. She ignores me and asks her favorite students to pick poems and come prepared. On the designated day, I prepare a poem to class, her favorite students do not really give a damn. I go up to speak in front of the class. I am reciting "The Highwayman". I start "The wind was a torrent of darkness, upon the purple moor ...". She cuts me short. Tells me "Beggars are not choosers, what can I do, you don't have to go on". I am hurt. I go on stage with my teacher not having heard me even once. I am nervous. I don't freeze on stage any more. But I do forget midway. Another teacher prompts me. I finish the poem, but like the few other contests I had participated in, I again do not win anything. One day they would know, what a great public speaker I am ... blah blah ...
Std 7 : ok now I am tired and I guess you are too. I will stop.
So by the time I finished school, I was pretty certain I am super extra ordinary.
In some respects I was, I got there where I could say "I am better than them". But the problem is, those issues have been rendered irrelevant. They all went on to have great lives (at least from my side of the lawn, it seems so), or greatly ordinary lives, both of which roughly translate to more happy face pictures on facebook and orkut. And it is funny how even now, I keep convincing myself that I am extra-ordinary, turning my nose up at a world that is at most times unreal to me.
The good news is, statistically speaking, I will always be incredibly ordinary. At least I don't have to have a beef with Statistics.
(Pretty scarred childhood eh? I agree :P)